Once again, my buddy
Greg Shafer makes me stop and think about what I'm doing. Everyone in the Western World should follow his blog.
Harry Goaz, does, after all.
I was going to post a review today about this incredible book I read on the problem of injustice in the world. But as I was making notes in preparation for my rant/review (because not enough people are DOING anything about the powerful preying on the weak) in order to write a brilliant post for my personal blog (featured alongside drivel about David Bowie, growing ornamental cacti, and hipster crafts) which would make everybody on the world wide web think "wow, she's so interesting and now I'm going to follow her blog", I suddenly felt really dumb. And then I went and read Greg's post, which I had been saving for an afternoon where I had time to sit & focus, because he writes heavy stuff, and I felt even dumber. So thanks a lot, Greg, for making me feel irrelevant.
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| I felt like this post needed more Bowie. |
I have a confession to make. I think somewhere in my "about" section I hint at my initial reluctance to start a blog, because I think they can be egocentric and redundant. In all honesty, anytime I check my blogroll & catch up on all of my little indie craft/sustainability/organization blogs, there's a part of me that is absolutely disgusted. I feel the same way about my own blog, because it's really nothing but a copy of the rest and a game for popularity votes & names in a list of followers. I also feel that way about stores like Forever 21 & Urban Outfitters, sites like Mod Cloth & Pinterest, and local coffeeshop patrons (I write this as I sit in a coffeeshop in a refurbished train car, with my Betty Page bangs, tights, boots, locket and belt around my petticoat dress). I'm drawn to it and I want it but I hate it at the same time. Hipsters always make fun of other hipsters, after all. We all want to be more original than the rest & hate it when we aren't.
I started this blog to give myself something to do, to make it feel like I'm doing something productive with my time. I'm always waiting for the next thing: to graduate high school, to get married, and now to move away from my job in this podunk town. I tend to produce more when I feel like I'm being watched, which is why I end up being involved in sites like deviantART, 43Things, and Pinterest, but I always quit after awhile because I also don't like that I end up placing all of this pressure on myself to produce SOMETHING, even if it's not very good or even of myself. I always end up distracted by my audience, real or imagined, to the point that I lose sight of why I make things or pursue things in the first place. I knew I didn't have time to make art, or to write posts about things that matter like Greg, so I started an indie-crafter clone blog, and I kind of hate it.
Now, I know that artists of all genres and ilks need audiences and are never free from that influence. But I really don't like the way I end up feeling enslaved by it. I know it's all my problem. I also know that 100% abstinence from a thing keeps the problem simple but doesn't actually train your defenses against it, which is why I haven't taken that route. I know that having an eye on the "bigger picture" and staying connected will keep my work and my opinions "culturally relevant"... but does that even matter? I'm pretty sure a lot of those pressures & expectations are false... especially when you think about the ACTUAL bigger picture, which includes things like rape, the absurd problem that is lack of clean water, government corruption and good things like family, the person next door, and friends.
Disclaimer here: there is nothing evil about blogging or keeping a blog, or even being involved in any form of social media. I am in no way saying that. All I'm saying is that I personally can't handle that much connectivity without letting the distraction of it hinder me.
All of this to say that I'm seriously considering shutting down this budding blog, and all of the internet, and becoming a hermit to the world outside of the people I actually see in front of me and the real people across the world who need help. Simply because I can't handle both. I've done it before and I'll do it again, but this time it needs to be more complete and more permanent, because I really do want to break that cycle.
I do have a few pre-scheduled posts, one tomorrow and one Tuesday post (because David Bowie is great). I may or may not continue beyond that... we shall see.
So, f I don't see you again in the world of the interwebz, good afternoon, good evening & good night!
